Back to Basics
This mindfulness thing is interesting. Case in point: I had another rough eating night last night. Two in a row, after two pretty darn healthy days. The first night there was a reason. Which doesn’t make it okay, just understandable. You know.
Last night? The only reason was that the cookie dough was THERE. In my fridge. Calling my name. And I thought, “to hell with it.”
In the past, behavior like this would have been the early signals of a long, slow decline that would have resulted in losing all control and eventually gaining all my weight back.
Now? It’s cause for concern, it’s got my antennae up, it’s on my radar screen, but NOT because I’m worried about falling off the deep end. More because I’m interested in how/why/when this behavior is triggered. I want to UNDERSTAND it. Understand ME. So that I can be/do/feel better in the future.
Today, the way I’m taking steps towards that is getting back to the basics. I’m going to review my advantages and response cards three times today – been slackin’ on that lately. I’m going to read my blogroll and take encouragement from all of your successes. I’ve made a food plan for the day and I AM GOING TO STICK WITH IT just because I can, because I CHOOSE to. Because I think that will help get me pointed in the right direction.
And tonight, instead of heading home to watch TV I am going to work out after work so that I have the sweaty remains of a workout on me when I get home and am tempted to start acting all crazy in the kitchen. Just as a reminder, in that moment, that it’s not just about THAT MOMENT.
Oh, and one more thing: I’m going to text my husband and ask him to get rid of any dangerous foods that are left behind in the kitchen right now. I think I’m clear (I threw away the cookie dough, there’s no ice cream left, no chocolate anywhere), but I know myself well enough to ask for help when I need it and to make sure there’s nothing there. I’m struggling this week, but I’m not giving in and I’m NOT letting that struggle be an excuse to “just this once” let the unhealthy habits sneak back in.
Edited for Gratitudes
- Despite one poor eating choice last night, I had a stellar day. I planned and tracked the rest of my food, I stuck to the rest of my plan, and I went out for a run even when I didn’t want to. I am reminding myself to celebrate my successes instead of just focusing on my struggles.
- I found a GREAT pair of dance sneakers this weekend for my Zumba class! They should make the class much more enjoyable now that I won’t be sticking to the floor with every step.
- I get to join my sister and her kids at the zoo today for my lunch break. 50 degrees and sunny, here I come!
A Rough Night for No Good Reason
For the first time since I started applying the practices from the Beck book 5 weeks ago, I had a mini-binge last night. “Mini” only in that I didn’t consume several thousand calories in a very short period of time, which I believe is the precise definition of a binge. Not mini for many reasons: it wasn’t a planned indulgence, it didn’t help me move closer to my goals, and I still can’t figure out why the heck I did it.
Don’t worry – before I get down to details, I’ll affirm what I hope you already know about me – I’m back on track today, having planned, packed, and tracked my meals for the day. I don’t feel like it’s hard, at least right now, to go back to the good stuff. I’m not agonizing over what happened yesterday or berating myself for the unhealthy choices I made. I would, however, like to discover the reasons behind the binge so that I can avoid them in the future.
The only possible reason I can think of for yesterday’s overboard dinner is that I was exhausted from having my sister’s kids over (loved every minute of it, but no sleep + constant vigilance that I’m not used to = a very tired SRG!) and somehow felt like the binge would help me “feel better;” less tired, less overwhelmed, and less inadequate. Okay, wow, wait a minute. Have you ever had a moment where until you typed something or heard the words coming out of your mouth, you didn’t realize you felt a certain way?! I’m having one of those moments now.
I had no idea I felt inadequate regarding kids until just now. I love kids and I can’t wait to have my own kids. I know it will be hard work and that I won’t be perfect at it, but I’ve always been great with kids and I know that’s what I want in life. It’s weird to realize that there’s a part of me that’s terrified of having kids and doing a horrible job with them. Yesterday’s chaos and fatigue must have stirred up those feelings. So my over-the-top steak and ice cream dinner was in response to those feelings – better to layer food on top of them than to feel them, acknowledge them, and walk through them.
Well, I’m sorry, subconscious, but NO. I am not going down that road again; the road where I deny my feelings at all costs, avoid them to the detriment of my health.
Here’s me, acknowledging the feelings I had yesterday: that I may not be up to the job of being a good mom, that I might be terrible at it, that somehow I can’t. And here’s me also saying that all those fears? They are a crock. I know I can be a good, loving, healthy mom. Will I be perfect? No. But that’s not my job – my job is to do the best I can, to always be open to learning how to be better, and to love my kids with every ounce of love God gives me. So there. THAT, I can do.
Weigh-in showed me up 2 pounds today. I went over my calorie target by 1,000 calories yesterday, so I definitely didn’t gain two “real” pounds, but it is a reality check for how quickly my body reacts to unhealthy foods in unhealthy proportions. Today I’m back on track with all of my food planned, tracked, and packed and my gym bag in the car. Sun = running, clouds/rain = strength training at the gym. Either way, I’ll get a good workout in and work this week to undo the damage done last night. More importantly, I remain committed to spending my life undoing the damage that years of unhealthy thinking and emotional eating have done. Starting today.
P.S. Don’t forget to enter my giveaway here!
Randomness on Super Bowl Sunday
I can’t believe it’s after 3pm and I’m just now getting to my post for the day! The sleepover last night was a smashing success. My almost-three-year-old nephew proclaimed, just before leaving, “I want to stay here forever!” Hottie Hubbie and I are exhausted – thank goodness life and nature slowly ramp you up to having three children instead of throwing it at you all at once! We had a blast, though.
The healthy mac & cheese turned out well, though next time I’ll happily cut back even more on the butter, add a bit more milk (or maybe yogurt for the tartness?), and not use bread crumbs for the topping like I did last night. The kids loved it and I didn’t feel guilty feeding it to them, so mission accomplished.
It’s amazing – I’ve burned as many calories today, without a workout, as I did yesterday with a 30+ minute run! And I’m just now sitting down (briefly) for the first time. After I get through a few more chores (laundry, changing the bed, and cooking dinner), I will be parking my fanny on the couch for good. We’ll have the game on in the backround until we sit down to watch it, probably after halftime.
I’m glad I had a splurge day yesterday without going as high in calories as I have in the last few weeks. I’m looking forward to seeing how that affects the scale this week. It’s so weird – today is the first day I haven’t weighed myself in ages! But there just wasn’t an opportunity to get naked in the bathroom without the kidlets around, so I let it go for today – no big deal.
Hope y’all are having a wonderful weekend! That’s it for me – just wanted to say “hi” and “I’m here,” but I’ll be back this week with some more substantive posts. Although with the weather forecast for the early part of the week (sunny and mid-high 50s), I may be somewhat scarce until the rain comes back!
Weekly Report
Morning friends. Happy Saturday! I hope y’all are coming off a successful, healthy week and looking forward to the weekend. I know I am! Before I forget, don’t y’all forget to leave a comment on this post to enter my first giveaway ever! You can also enter here and here to maximize your chances of winning the book.
Getting used to the numbers and charts here yet? Here’s one for you; it’s a Weekly Progress Report for how I did with my eating this week:
Today’s numbers are a little low for now, since I don’t know how my evening is going to look. I’m having a sleepover! No, I’m not a dork (well, yes, actually, I am, but not for this reason!). I have a niece and nephews who are DYING to come stay the night at Va-Va’s house. Va-Va – that’s what they call me – isn’t it great? My name is Valerie and the oldest one started calling me Va-Va instead of Aunt Valerie, and it stuck!
The kidlets love macaroni and cheese, so I looked up a Paula Deen recipe for homemade mac & cheese and modified it to make it healthier. I’ll use Barilla Plus pasta, low fat cheese, and light sour cream in place of the “regular” versions of all those ingredients. Served with chicken and veggies, that will be our dinner. No sleepover is complete without a treat, so I’m picking up sorbet and individual ice cream cups – the kids can choose between them. I might even splurge and make a small bit of homemade whipped cream. We’re also baking banana bread, so I’ve left my calories low for the day (already tracked dinner & treat) so I can have a piece if I choose. Maybe one tomorrow, too.
My workouts this week were pretty great – here’s my summary for the week:
Date Day Weight Workout Details
| 1/30/2010 | Saturday | 248.6 | off |
| 1/31/2010 | Sunday | 251.4 | chores/cooking/lifestyle activity |
| 2/1/2010 | Monday | 251.4 | running/core |
| 2/2/2010 | Tuesday | 250.6 | strength training am |
| 2/3/2010 | Wednesday | 250.4 | running pm |
| 2/4/2010 | Thursday | 250.6 | walking pm/zumba pm |
| 2/5/2010 | Friday | 248.6 | off |
| 2/6/2010 | Saturday | 247.6 | running |
As you can see, today’s official weigh-in puts me at one pound below where I was last week. TOM is here (sorry, guys) and by the numbers I should have lost 2-3 pounds this week. It’s okay – it’ll come off one way or the other. My strength training has suffered this week as I’m babying both a sore shoulder and a strained gluteus muscle. I have no idea why they are sore or how they got that way, but I’ve adjusted my workouts to give them time to heal and will get back to weight training this week as they are both feeling about 90% today.
A Revelation
And just because Saturday’s aren’t complete without something more, I want to share something I realized yesterday. I was walking over to Subway to grab a sandwich for lunch when I started thinking about the fact that I will be living like this for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life, I will need to pay attention to what I eat, plan my meals, cook healthy foods, workout regularly, etc. And when I asked myself if I could do this for the rest of my life, the answer was a resounding YES!
If you read last week’s Saturday post, you might remember that I had a “who am I??!” moment when I realized that I was only going to splurge if I felt like it. (In case I need to explain why that’s incredible, in the past if I had a splurge coming, I would splurge whether I really wanted to or not, just because I could.) As I had this revelation yesterday, that I really could see myself living this way for the rest of my life, I had a similar moment.
In previous attempts at weight loss, I either ignored the future, preferring to fantasize that it would take care of itself, or I lived under the illusion that maintaining would be easy once I got to goal. I refused to consider whether I could make a lifelong commitment to this lifestyle, partly because I just couldn’t see myself making that commitment, and partly because the way I was losing weight was not something I could commit to for the rest of my life – who wants to live life at the extremes?
So this revelation is nothing dramatic or extreme. It’s just a very settled feeling within me. Yes, I am eating healthy, planning my meals, cooking more, and working out because I want to lose weight. But I am also able to look at the lifestyle I’m leading now and, very comfortably, say that I can and will live like this for the rest of my life. And it’s not a scary, deprived feeling, because the fruits of these efforts – being at a healthier weight, feeling good, knowing I can do the things I want to do and weight won’t hold me back – are well worth it.
This got way longer than I intended so I’ll keep the rest of my thoughts for another post! Cheers everyone!
Do You Have a Vision?
Chris at A Deliberate Life did a great post this week about having a vision, or a VISUAL for the goal you are trying to reach. Check out her post for the body she is aiming for when she reaches her goal.
It got me to thinking about what I want to look like when I reach goal. This is a tough one for me, because I haven’t been under 200 pounds since high school. I think I weighed about 180 my junior year of high school. I was over 200 pounds when I graduated. And by the end of my freshman year, I was weighing in at 220+.
Do you have a way to visualize, in a concrete way, your goals for your body? Some people do vision-boards, others will make a scrapbook, still others will post photos of themselves at a healthy weight and use those tools as a reminder of where they are going. What do you do when you’re not creative “like that” and you don’t have any photos of you as an adult at a healthy weight?
Y’all have heard of Grey’s Anatomy, right? Sara Ramirez plays Dr. Callie Torres. In the first season, I fell in love with this show for a number of reasons (including that I’m a total cornball), one of which was this scene right here:
With certain variations to account for my bigger boobs and other anatomical differences, that is what I want to look like when I hit goal. And this.
And this.
She’s not skinny, she’s not chunky. She looks strong without being muscle-bound. She’s gorgeous and she looks HEALTHY.
That’s what I want, folks. What about you? Do you have a particular goal in mind beyond reaching a certain weight? What body type are you going for? Any visual aids (photos, scrapbooks, etc.) that help you focus on the goal and envision it for yourself?
Bloggy Beck Book Club & a Giveaway
Friends, I have an announcement! (Side note #1: I think this is my first ever announcement! lol)
Scale Warfare, Bella, and I have decided to host an in-depth discussion of the book so many folks have been talking about lately. Jen at Prior Fat Girl is doing it, y’all are talking about it, and we decided to join in on the fun!
But, wait, there’s even cooler stuff to know: we are kicking it off by hosting a giveaway! (Side note #2: This is definitely my first giveaway ever!) Starting today, we’ll each post the details of our giveaways, so make sure to check each blog for how to enter.
What are we giving away? A brand spanking new copy of The Complete Beck Diet for Life, which will be the topic of our book club discussions.
Here are my rules: there are no rules! Simply leave your comment below and you will be entered to win the book. My drawing will take place on Thursday, February 10, 2010 at 6pm PST. I’ll print all the names on slips of paper and have the Hottie Husband draw a name from a hat. The winner will be announced here, so make sure you check back and get me your contact information if you’re the winner. I’ll ship the book via Amazon and hopefully you’ll have it in time to join our book club.
Speaking of which, here are the deets on the book club:
- Our first official discussion will be held on Thursday, February 25 and I’ll host that discussion.
- Each Thursday thereafter, we’ll rotate hosting a discussion of a particular part of the book on our blogs.
- There will be homework! This ain’t some sissy book club, friends. Not only will we ask y’all to read the book; we’ll also ask you to do stuff. So gird your loins (whatever that means) and get ready to work.
- There may be other fun things along the way, like giveaways or contests. So keep yer eyes peeled.
Bloggy Beck Book Club Homework Assignment #1
The first assignment is threefold:
1. Get the book.
2. Read pages 1-49.
3. Do the stuff she tells you to do in those pages.
You’ve only got 3 weeks, people – what are you waiting for?!? Get crackin’!!
Edited for Daily Weigh-In
I’m super frustrated right now! I’m weighing in at 250.6, yesterday 250.4, two days before that 251.4. Arg! I did just start my monthly visitor today (sorry if that’s TMI!) so I’m hoping the gain & stall are related to that. My eating has been super healthy and my workouts awesome, so I’m just going to keep on doing what I’m done.
Super Bowl Weekend
For those of us who struggle with eating reasonably and healthily in social situations, this coming weekend might be a little intimidating. As with everything, though, having a plan will make it 100 times more likely that you will emerge from the weekend unscathed. So, what’s your plan for getting through Super Bowl Weekend?
Are you going to a party or throwing one of your own? Either way, you can do a lot to minimize the over-consumption that often (oops!) happens at parties like these.
Super Bowl Strategies
1. If you’re hosting the party, you have total control over the menu. This doesn’t mean you have to limit your guests to carrot stick and hummous! (Though, come to think of it, that’s a yummy combo!) It does mean that you can ensure there are plenty of healthy choices you love. A great strategy when you’re the hostess is to make the more indulgent menu items ones you are less tempted by so that you’re less likely to overindulge.
2. If you’re going to another party, be sure to eat a healthy breakfast, lunch, and even a snack before you go. Take one or two healthy items to contribute to the menu. When you arrive, make sure you circulate and enjoy the company before attacking approaching the buffet table. And before you put anything on your plate, look at everything that’s there. What do you really want to try? What can you live without, or what can you easily eat another time soon? Choose to indulge in foods that you don’t have access to often rather than things that are easy to get anytime.
3. Whether you’re hosting or attending, remember that the party is more about enjoying the company of your friends and family rather than planting your fact into the bucket o’ wings that your brother oh-so-thoughtfully brought over.
4. Make sure you get your workout in BEFORE the party. What are the chances you’ll work out after the game (which doesn’t start until 6:30 p.m. EST), when you’ve eaten, drank drunk dranken drunken, and been merry? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
No matter what, make sure you have a plan before you’re faced with this:
What are your plans for the Super Bowl? What’s your plan for enjoying the party, friends, and food without overindulging? I’d like to challenge us all to post our plan here and report back after the big day with a summary of how we did. Are you game?
Gratitude for Today:
- I’m so grateful that we are clearing out our storage locker by the end of this month; this means we will save a whopping $189/month! Yippee!
- I’m grateful for having awesome workouts this week, despite a sore shoulder earlier this week and a strained butt muscle (yes you read that right).
- I’m grateful that I get to have my niece and nephews over for a sleepover Saturday night!
The Complete Beck Diet for Life: Success Skills 7-9
I haven’t talked as much about the Beck book lately, but it’s still playing a large part in how I approach my commitment to living healthy and losing weight. I’ve written a few posts about it already, including posts about Success Skills 1-3, Success Skills 4-6, and one post about whether I agree with Beck’s suggestion that being an “inflexible dieter” is a good approach for me.
Today I want to walk through Success Skills 7-9. Without further ado, let’s do it!
Success Skill #7: Plan and Monitor your Eating
We’ve all heard the saying “failing to plan is planning to fail.” And as much as I don’t want this to be true, I find that it is. Beck suggests that you plan to eat three meals and three snacks per day, and that you plan each day’s food in advance – preferably the night before. She also directs dieters to track everything they eat. Finally, she states that in the beginning, it is important to be an inflexible dieter - you stick to your plan no matter what comes up, and you choose to not eat rather than eat outside your plan.
Those of you who have read my post on being an inflexible dieter know how I feel about that concept for me, and in general. To briefly recap: I think flexibility is one of the keys to long-term success at losing weight and keeping it off. That being said, I can see the usefulness to a new dieter of this approach in the beginning. If you are inflexible about sticking to your plan for the first few weeks, you build the habits of eating according to your plan, planning in advance, healthy eating, etc.
Everything else Beck has to say about planning is 100% accurate and useful, in my opinion. I have proven to myself over and over that planning in advance increases my chances of success exponentially, while failing to plan puts me at much higher risk of random, unhealthy food choices. So, my verdict on this Skill: doooo eeeeet!
Success Skill #8: Follow Your Plan No Matter What
Oopsie, apparantly I jumped the gun on this one! See my comments above, as well as my previous post about this concept. Moving right along…
Success Skill #9: Get Back on Track Right Away
One of my response cards says: “Mistakes are not the end of the world, and they are not the end of your diet, as long as you know how to respond. Successful maintainers make mistakes, but they recover from them right away.”
Many of us have had this familiar and destructive thought: “Oh, I just totally blew that lunch, I might as well go hog wild for the rest of today since my day is ruined anyways!” We use that as an excuse to continue eating like crap when the logical choice would be to get back on track right away to minimize the damage we’ve already done.
Beck uses a great analogy to explain why this is faulty thinking; if you got a flat tire, would you throw up your hands in surrender and proceed to slash your remaining three tires? Or do you have the damage to the one tire repaired and move on? We all know the answer to this question; now we need to start applying it to our lifestyle and eating choices.
Conclusion
I think the skills Beck introduces her readers to in “Stage 1″ are, overall, extremely practical, useful, and productive. I have implemented all of these skills, to varying degrees, in my life. Since I began doing so, I’ve found that I am more mindful of what I eat and I have a harder time blowing off my plan just because I want something different. This is really working for me.
What’s working for you? What do you think of the Beck book? Have you tried putting these skills into practice?
What Should We Reward?
Lots of thinking going on lately inside this noggin of mine. I seem to do this in cycles – some weeks I have to wrack my brain to find a topic to write about! Others, the ideas spring into my head all day long.
Today I started thinking about rewarding myself for short-term successes. In line with Beck’s suggestion, I chose the short-term goal of losing 5 pounds, and from there built out a reward “schedule” for every 5 pounds loss.
Now I’m wondering if that’s really the best approach.
Okay, great t-shirt, but that’s not really what I’m going for!
You see, my big, life-long, super-over-arching goal in all of this is not just to lose weight, but to change the way I live FOR.EV.ER. So what happens when I get to goal and there are no more rewards? Or what happens if/when I hit a plateau and consider weeks of healthy behavior “unworthy” of a reward?
I’m toying with a new idea and would love your feedback and suggestions. Rather than rewarding weight loss, I want to start rewarding the healthy behaviors I’ve been consistently applying for the last month.
I’m not sure what this would look like, and that’s where you come in! How do you think I should do this? I have a few ideas:
1. Establish a list of healthy behaviors I want to engage in every week. For every two weeks of successfully executing those behaviors, I get a reward.
2. Establish a point system, where every healthy behavior is worth a certain number of points. Once I accumulate a certain number of points, I get a reward.
I have a few requirements for my system, whatever it ends up being. First, it must be relatively easy to administer. I already spend about 12 hours/week on this healthy living stuff, so I don’t want to add a ton of time! It should also be pretty simple and not require complicated math or graphing or anything like that.
What do you think? How do you build rewards into your weight loss process? Do you reward weight loss or behaviors (or both)? Do you have any ideas for how I can adapt my rewards system?
How Things Change
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how things change. Sometimes, change is scary to contemplate. We all have our “comfort zone,” and the idea of moving out of that zone intentionally is freaky! Especially when the place we are going is somewhat unknown – uncharted territory, so to speak.
I’m not writing this post to complain about change (I just couldn’t resist the cartoon!), but more to ruminate on how little differences in how we approach our lives can change our lives at a fundamental level.
Take the issue of planning, for example. If you plan your food and exercise for the day in advance, the chances that you’ll (a) stick to the plan or (b) at least stick close to the plan, are good.
On the other hand, if you fail to plan anything, roll out of bed, and hit the ground running, what are the chances that you’ll make healthy choices for food and exercise? Not great, right? At least for me; on days like that, I’m lucky if I get breakfast in, and I can throw a bunch of stuff in the cooler for my day, but who knows if that combination of foods is within my calorie target, gets me enough protein and fiber, etc. Not to mention that unless I pack my gym bag and take it with me in the morning, the gym just ain’t happening!
So, subtle difference in approach = vast difference in outcome.
Today my revelation is that when I plan to have a splurge, even when I go way overboard on that splurge, getting back on track the next meal/day isn’t hard for me right now. I think it’s because I have this mindset: I am going to enjoy a splurge meal today. After that meal, my eating habits will return immediately to normal/healthy. This isn’t a free pass to let a meal turn into a day turn into a week turn into…well, you get the picture.
So my splurge yesterday turned out to be Lebanese food, very simple food, actually. Pita bread with labni (yogurt cheese) and small green olives (still on the bitter side – yum!). I didn’t control my portions, though, so I ended up with a very high calorie and sodium day. But you know what? Today’s a new day, and I’m back to eating as I have been for the last month – healthily, as planned, and within my target range.
Whaddaya know?
